


Peaceful Tea Breaks

by PastaBucket



Series: Gensokyo Tea Festival (of Fridge Horror) [2]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Fridge Horror, Gen, Light-Hearted, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-15 05:12:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18492067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaBucket/pseuds/PastaBucket
Summary: I feel a collection of short tea breaks coming on.





	1. Flandre got a hug

**Author's Note:**

> Be aware that my story will not get the entire lore right, and will sometimes knowingly take liberties that contradict canon. I haven't played any of the games (except for one fan-game), nor do I like bullet hell games at all, I'm not even Japanese, and I have MagiFTW to thank for most of my knowledge, who in turn seem to just read wiki articles verbatim.
> 
> ...so my story is mostly how I would like Touhou to be - my own personal wishfulfillment.
> 
> ...and I didn't even intend it to be a coherent story at first, so now that the initial arc is done, I'll probably go back to writing pointless scenes for my own personal amusement.
> 
> ...so yeah: This is not for everyone. This is mostly for myself.

"...and then he told me that all I needed was a hug, to make me all better.", Flandre laughed while the others just looked at her.

"Poor thing.", Patchouli reflected. "So what happened to him?", she turned to Remilia.

"I'll tell you what happened.", Sakuya butted in. "Once I got him into the sack, you couldn't tell what the mess was anymore."

"The bones go 'Pop! Pop!', like bubble wrap, and he made faces for me!", Flandre cheered with her arms in the air. "It did make me all better!"

"Lolicons are pretty stupid. I don't understand the attraction.", Youmu commented before taking another sip of tea.


	2. Chen drops off a human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Chen is technically a were-cat, to me she's technically a were-animal, and thus she's more of a were-dog here.  
> I take liberties in my Touhou stories.

Youmu turned from her work to see Chen sitting there, wagging her tail before dropping a human at her feet.

"Disgusting.", she frowned. "You've been using him as a chew toy."

"I'm glad I could help!", Chen smiled. "He was fun to play with."

With a determined frown, Youmu poked the tip of her shoe into the side of the half-eaten man, and thus rolled him into the hole. "I have a feeling this guy's going to have a funny bi taste of fungi."


	3. Flandre on the loose

Youmu looked up from her cutting. "Flandre? I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be here."

"I'm playing hide and seek with Remilia.", Flandre explained.

"I'll never understand those wings or yours. What even are they?" Her mind hurt just by looking at them. They looked like Flandre was cracking reality apart, the cracks radiating from her back, sliding perspectives apart all around them.

"They're my wings, silly!", Flandre smiled as the tea bushes began to writhe and coil with newfound life around Youmu.

"Flandre, whatever you're doing, stop it!", Youmu recoiled.

"Oh, what's that thing?", Flandre pointed above her with distracted fascination.

"What?" Youmu followed her pointed finger while the bushes began uprooting all around her, dragging with them the corpses that were now coming back to life as well.

"That glowy thing." Flandre closed her fingers around it and put it in her mouth.

"No! That's the moon! Spit it out! Remilia! Put this abomination back it the basement before we all die!", Youmu screamed.


	4. Chapter 4

"I've never seen you this upset before.", Remilia commented, before putting an uncertain end to the thrashing of the last of the wooden tentacle, with a decisive thwack of her shovel.

Youmu buried her face in her hands. "Just look at what she did. The entire garden is nothing but useless clinging vines now."

"Perhaps we can replant them with sticks in order to prop them up. The tea might still be good.", Sakuya said whilst kicking off a still squirming tentacle bit clinging to her shoe.

"I admit I was a bit careless in letting her out.", Remilia said. "It won't happen again."


	5. Chapter 5

"I think the last one's over there." Youmu pointed at the corner of the garden with a heavy heart as Chen started to dig with eager.

Youmu sat down beside Yuyuko, as she lay on her back with a distended belly. "That happy smile on your face..."

"I think I've died and gone to heaven.", Yuyuko groaned.

"I think cutting them up into tiny pieces for you, is overdoing it. I'm getting a bit exhausted here."

"Keep the kebab coming. After all, I'm the guest of honor here.", Yuyuko continued to smile.

Remilia sat down beside them both. "We've put up fliers all over the village now. You'll have your garden back in no time."

"I took great care of that garden.", Youmu sighed, before taking another defeated look at Yuyuko's obscene belly. "You're still hungry, aren't you?"

"I heard Flandre tried to eat the moon earlier.", Yuyuko began.

"Speaking of that, I wonder if the lunarians will ever recover from that.", Remilia said. "...mentally, I mean."

"I can imagine worse fates than being covered in child saliva.", Youmu answered as Chen dropped the last bushman abomination at her feet.


	6. The Legend of the Hundredth Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like FalKKonE's covers. Here's Yuyuko's theme:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ryXaa0dz0g

"Well", Yuyuko began her story before her gathered human audience. "in the village I came from, there's this custom, that for every hundredth child that is born, there is born a special child - a child whose destiny is separate from the others, and on her shoulders is placed the responsibility of the fate of the entire village. When my mother understood that I was special, she set about trying to raise me right, in the way that she thought that such a child would carry herself, sheltering me from the outside world. Five years later my father realized that she was going crazy, and so when I was five she took me away from his protests, to raise me as best she could on her own. Her mental health continued to deteriorate, and she spent half the time fighting despair, and the other half drunk and really strange.

Social bonds were impossible to have. One after another the villagers came to me for blessings, and at first I didn't know what to do. I just did what I thought was appropriate. It took me years to learn what they really wanted from me, and my role in the scope of the future of the village, and by then I had proven myself to the village so much that their faith in me made them come to me with really high expectations and requests.

...and so I the end, it became too much for me to bare. I couldn't live up to the legend I had become. I thought that killing myself would be the end of it, but as it turns out, it didn't absolve me from my duties at all. Instead they tied together into a knot that came to persist as my soul even after death."

"She's such a tragic figure!", a person in the audience burst into tears.

"I bet all she needs is a hug!", another voice gushed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bullying is wrong.


	7. Reimu finds out

"Where is everybody?" Reimu scanned the market square, seeing only elderly people manning the stands and hardly any customers. "Did I miss some kind of festivity?"

Then she spotted a bunch of shady looking figures dangling their legs over the edge of a building. "I guess they would have answers, wouldn't they?", she frowned.

 

Resting on her back, exhausted from the lemonade binge, Cirno opened her eyes to find that Reimu's skirt was what was blocking the sun. "Reimu?", she smiled as the rest of the fairies scattered from the scene and fluttered away. "How's it going?"

"Do you mind telling me where everybody is this evening?"

"Oh that's right: I didn't bother to give you one since your shrine is so far away. Here you go." Not moving from her spot, Cirno reached out to the pile beside her, and then handed a leaflet up to Reimu. "We spent the entire day handing these out, and despite such short notice, I'd say we caused quite the draw."

Reimu's eyes grew wide. "A tea festival? ...hosted outside the Scarlet Devil Mansion?" She read onward. "Oh no!"

"I am the greatest!", Cirno triumphantly declared as Reimu sank to her knees. "...and don't you forget it!", her muffled voice continued from underneath Reimu's folds.


	8. The Awkward Showdown

Meiling was just in the midst of closing the gate, when she spotted a familiar face coming down the path. "Not this one again.", she sighed, before adressing Reimu directly. "You're too late. They've already taken the party inside, and besides-"

Reimu silenced her by promptly sticking the invitation leaflet to Meiling's forehead with the authority of a prayer. "I have an invitation."

When Meiling had recovered from the insolence, Reimu had already stridden past her and was already inside the gates. She crushed the note in her hand, with a shudder of impotent rage.

 

Heads turned as the ceremony was rudely interrupted by the sounds of the doors to the chamber being pushed open. Reimu did not seem like her happy, peaceful self at all.

"You monster! You don't belong in this world!", the shrine maiden shouted to Remilia.

"We're just having a bit of tea. What's wrong with that?", Remilia smiled at her. "These people came here on their own accord to pay me tribute."

"This all sounds familiar somehow.", Patchouli mumbled to herself.

"'Tribute'?!", Reimu steamed. "These people don't know what they're doing, and you're taking advantage of them!"

"Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.", Remilia dismissed her. "We had to replenish our tea bushes somehow, and I guess some people are just destined to be tea."

"Leave us alone! Can't you see that all she wants is a hug!", one of the villagers shouted in protest, with the rest of the audience loudly concurring. "Flash us your panties again, Remi-chan!", other shameless voices cried out. "Show us your feet!"


	9. Aftermath

"...and so then I said 'You're welcome to stay and watch if you like.', and she just threw her hands up in despair and steamed her way out again.", Remilia chuckled before taking another sip.

"The young ones are always the dumbest.", Youku commented. "Nothing but fat between their ears. A shame we had to send the rest home."

"I know your Yuyuko is hungry, but we need to spare some of them, or the village will just become a ghost town."

"I'm right here, you know.", Yuyuko said. "Besides, I had fun. Screams are a fleeting bliss."

"Did I tell you that a new release has been announced?", Patchouli said. "Touhou 17 - Wily Beast and Weakest Creature."

"What's it about?", Remilia inquired.

"It's an animal theme. Maybe Chen will get a few friends to play with."

"Pets, huh?"

"Just keep them out of the library. I'm serious about this."

"That's good news for the village too.", Remilia said between sips. "Reimu should thank us for making room."


End file.
